The Best Thing For Our Relationship

Due to recent events with some friends of mine, I have to decided to share what I believe is the best thing that happened in mine and Riley's relationship. Hopefully it will help some of you out, will be entertaining, or at the very least will be something for me to reference back to when I'm feeling particularly frustrated about a situation.

The best thing we have done is that we've learned how to COMMUNICATE. Not just talk to each other, but have learned how we react to situations and why we react the way we do. Granted, Riley and I keep finding totally new situations to both of us so it's an adventure. The important thing is to talk about how you want something said or handled and why.

To help us get started with this process we actually took a couple of quizzes that helped a lot. The first one was the 5 Love Languages Assesment (you can google it and it will come up). Even though Riley and I are very similiar with our languages, we were able to better understand why certain things were important to us.

For example, it really bothers me when people are late, and I mean it REALLY bothers me. I can handle 5-10 minutes but when it creeps up to 15-30 minutes late and you are that late consistently I will be upset. Riley would be that late all the time and he couldn't understand why it would bother me so much. After we took the assesment we learned that my primary love language is Quality Time. After talking about it for a bit Riley understood that when he is late I'm upset because it takes away my time from him. Since then he has been a star in that area, making sure that he leaves when he needs to and texts or calls me when he is running late so I know.

The other quiz that we took was the 5 Languages of Forgiveness. This one was a definite eye opener for me. It turns out that I feel that you should apologize and then make up for it somehow. That's a struggle because I don't know how someone can make things up to me. Riley on the other hand just wants to be apologized to. It doesn't really matter how as long as it's done.

Even though these assesments did help us understand each other a lot more, we still had/have our bumps. The thing that was the absolute hardest to do and has been the most effective was our first conversation on how we react when we're upset. Not that we're upset with each other all of the time, but that conversation made it easier to talk about how we communicate in every situation; not just when we're upset.



Now for the hardest part...you have to be COMPLETELY honest with each other on how you're feeling and be COMPLETELY open about it. This is very hard to do, especially for me. When I get upset or feel like I want to explain something I tend to get quiet. My initial response is to suck it up and deal with it. There are certain times where that is the right response, but not when it comes to discussing things with someone you're in a relationship with.

Riley had a hard time dragging things out of me. What he would do to help me is ask me specific questions. Questions are good, but when they're vague you aren't going to get anywhere. Asking, "how are you feeling?" is way too generic. The question, "why are feeling that way?" is a lot more effective. The response, "I don't know" is ok. Now you both has something to discuss and discover.

After you learn these things about each other you have to understand that BOTH of you have to make sacrifices. There are certain things you'll have to do for each other and compromise on. The best way I can explain this is by one of mine and Riley's experiences.

Here is some background information first. When Riley is upset or concerned about something, he has to talk about it right then and have some form of physical contact with me. When I am upset I want to talk about after I have some time to calm down and think it over and I am not ok with any form of physical contact.

Once we talked about how we reacted and the reasons for it, we were able to make it easier for both us to discuss things. When we are having a serious discussion Riley gives me some time to think about it. What I do is make sure that I'm holding his hand or something like that. They are little changes but it has made a world of difference for every conversation we have.

Thanks for bearing with me! I know I have A LOT more to learn, but I'm very grateful that Riley and I are off to a good start. I am incredibly lucky to have found such a wonderful man. He is patient, ambitious, spiritual, hard-working, and very willing to make sacrifices and take the time to understand me. I love him so much. 11 DAYS!!!

Have a noteworthy day!

The Fire Alarm Deception

12 days to go! I'm not panicking though because I'm in surreal mode. I'm fairly certain this isn't really happening...the idea is just too weird. I'm sure I'll get back in panic mode next week or something. But for right now I'm just kind of like, "What? I'm getting married next week? Pssh...whatever. You're joking."



This last week has been a lot of fun. Riley and I were able to go to our apartment and get it all cleaned up and painted. It needed it badly. We got very lucky though. It's at a great location and it really is a cute place, but apparently the last 25 people who lived there didn't know how to clean. Plus, one of the couples had painted the room this mint green color, and not a good mint green. Riley explains it as Easter candy green. I don't know about you but that would totally keep me awake at night.

So we cleaned the place, painted the bedroom a much better shade of green, and painted the living room a nice gray on the top part (there is a baseboard that runs through the middle of the wall) and the bottom part a nice off white.

One of the other things about the apartment was that it has a fire alarm and carbon monoxide detector. When Riley went to get a nail out of the wall he took the fire alarm off and there was nothing in it...literally. It was the case of the fire alarm. That was super comforting. We got a new one at Wal Mart but seriously? The Carbon Monoxide detector is fine though so I'm glad about that.

Other than cleaning and painting we were able to get all of the furntiure moved in so that was nice. Now Riley is in Delaware at his old mission and their family is picking up Tanner on Wednesday! That's exciting. Riley is loving it. He is seeing a lot of his converts and the friends he made on his mission. I'm glad that he has the opportunity to do that.

On Friday I got to go to dinner with McCall at Texas Roadhouse. That was so fun, I like having one on one time with her. Plus it was Texas Roadhouse. That is the best restaurant EVER! Just so you all know.

We also got to check out the Bridesmaid dresses. They are coming along splendidly! Marissa is doing an excellent job, I can't wait to see the final result. AH! So excited!

Have a super day!

Initiating Panic Mode

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH   * Deep Breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

24 DAYS! Only 24 days left. I cannot believe it. I'm so used to saying a month or two but now we're down to weeks! I am so excited but totally freaking out. We have so much done but there is so much more to do.  Ah...I'm freaking out. Hopefully typing it all out will help me get some of this nervous energy burned off.

 

I  had my Bridals done! I've got to tell you, it's a pain trying to figure out which ones I want to keep. My photographer is amazing! She posted a few on her blog. Here is the link if you want to check them out!

http://www.kristinacurtisphotography.com/2012/05/28/kaili-riley-groomals/

I had my Bachelorette Party on the 26th and that was a blast. I love my friends! It was really fun with a good mix of awkwardness. It's kind of weird to have married friends my age but they had some good advice about a lot of different things.

The following Sunday my friend Kellie gave her farewell talk! It was a mini missionary week! Kellie gave her homecoming talk and left for the MTC that Wednesday and my friend Derek came home from his mission that Tuesday. I went with McCall as moral support. It was really cool to see Derek though. It's sad to see friends leave but awesome to see them when they come back!

 

Riley and I also, officially, have an apartment! We got the contract signed and now we're just deep cleaning and painting the place. I'll post before and after pictures once it's all done. I'm really excited that we have our own place! It will take a while to clean and fix up a little but it's great! We love it.

Other than that Riley and his family are heading out to New York soon to go pick up Tanner. I'm excited to meet my future brother-in-law, although I'll miss Riley while he's gone. Lori is hosting another Bridal Shower for me, which is super nice of her, and life is just moving by really fast. I can't believe there are only 24 days left until I become Mrs. Spear (weird!) but I'm excited for when that day comes.

Have a whimsical day!